What Happens When You Eat A Washing Machine
by Crash the Linoone
Summary: She loved him so much... And she was just so freaking weird. Oneshot, Arceus/Taco, AKA Alphatacoshipping! Major crack.


If there was word for better than perfect, that's how she'd describe the moment.

Her emerald eyes glittered and sparkled with passion as she stared awestruck at her companion. Nothing could be more perfect than him, and her heart fluttered every time she dared to blink, the vision of him filling her irises every time she finished the semi-horrific act of shutting out the world with her eyelids.

She wouldn't dare to look away, though. She had to blink, otherwise she'd get teary-eyed from the subtle breeze that blew by. She thought she might cry anyways, it was just so wonderful. But she couldn't physically bring herself to look away from him. She couldn't bear it.

She couldn't tell if he was staring back at her, but with his presence it felt like he was staring into her very soul. His tortilla shell was illuminated by the gentle light from the window, as if he were very faintly glowing. The beef inside him stayed neatly inside, never spilling out. His lettuce sparkled and gleamed mystically, making him seem even more magical.

Arceus sighed dreamily and nuzzled him, careful not to knock him over, he head somewhat large compared to his small stature. She wouldn't dare hurt him though, no matter what hunger pains managed to creep over her.

She was in love.

"Oh, Tacoi," she breathed, leaning closer to him. "I can't find the words for how I feel right now." Tacoi said nothing in response, simply sitting there politely. "I never thought I'd find true love in someone like you. You're just so… delightful!" She turned her head down towards him and blushed. "Even though you're so quiet, it feels like we have a bond that could stretch throughout the universe and never be tarnished, even by the most scornful of stars." Tacoi continued to remain silent throughout her poetic sweet nothings.

"But Tacoi…" Arceus murmured after a few moments of quietness. "When… when we went to Taco Bell on our last date…" She gulped and managed to focus her eyes on her taco mate. "I saw you… staring at that burrito." Her voice regained confidence, and she sat up straighter, her eyes gaining a somewhat scornful tone. "Was she better than me, Tacoi? Huh? Is that slut of a burrito better than me?! She had extra cheese! What kind of sick standards do you have?!"

Her eyes watered and she did the unthinkable.

She turned away.

She let out a quiet sob, while Tacoi continued to remain silent. His lettuce drooped in disapproval when she refused to turn around. A drop of his cheese oozed over his tortilla shell like a teardrop when she sniffed.

Arceus wiped her nose with her great golden hoof and sighed. She had never felt so heartbroken in all of her years of living, and her she was, barely a foot away from her one and only love, and seconds away from bursting into tears. She had never felt so pathetic in her life, either.

"I'm sorry about that, Tacoi," she said after a while, though it was barely audible, like a whisper without a voice. "I should know by now that you'd never do that to me." She turned towards him and smiled meekly. "Thank you, Tacoi. For being so loyal and loving to me." She inched closer to him and nuzzled him with her head once more. "Thank you for not betraying me. Thank you… for everything." She purred and pecked him on the side of his tortilla shell. "I love you, Tacoi."

"I love you too, Arceus," a new voice whispered.

Arceus' head jerked up with utter shock, and she stared down at Tacoi with horror and confusion.

"T-Tacoi?!" she stammered. "Y-you can talk?!"

Laughter came from behind her door as Mew and Giratina barged in, holding their sides as they wailed with hilarity.

"Good god, I never thought you'd angst with a taco!" Mew practically screamed, falling to the floor and rocking back and forth. She couldn't control her bladder or bowels anymore either, and ruined Arceus' carpet spectacularly. "I'm sorry, the funny made me go on your floor." Giratina snatched Tacoi away from Arceus before she could do anything about it.

"Hey! Give him back!" she cried, reaching at him with her hooves, only to be shoved away by her counterpart's great black wing.

"Holy crap, how long have you had this thing since you created it?" he asked, repulsed by the horrific smell that wavered off of Tacoi's filling. His tortilla shell was even starting to turn green from age. Arceus' eyes shifted back and forth.

"A week," she admitted sheepishly. "But age doesn't matter with love, Giratina! Tacoi and I are perfectly happy!"

"And Tacoi looks like a mutated cow pie that got left in the sun after being eaten without chewing and vomited up onto a sidewalk after four months of being constipated," Giratina said, arching his eyebrows.

"That was unnecessarily explicit," Arceus said.

"Whatever," Giratina muttered, heading into the kitchen. Arceus followed, leaving only Mew to laugh hysterically in her own waste.

"Hey," Arceus said, poking Giratina with one of her hooves; Which was hard to do while walking. "Hey, what are you doing with my Tacoi?"

"I'm going to heat him up a bit," he replied passively, opening up the microwave door after entering the kitchen. He set the timer for three minutes and shut the door, then pressed the start button. Arceus watched in horror as Tacoi's insides bubbles out of his now soggy shell, bursting out from the new hole made from the radiation the microwave forced into him.

Once there was a small "Ding!", Arceus slowly shuffled towards the microwave and stared at her bubbly mess of Tacoi. She gulped down tears and inhaled a mighty breath of air, before screaming:

"MOTHER F-"

* * *

Yep, I know it's like the most cracky thing ever, but I still love it. 8D


End file.
